Fall is here - time to be an autumn hipster again.

An essential guide

Oct 10, 2024

Fall is upon us. The season when leaves crunch under your perfectly vintage boots, the air turns crisp, and the smell of spiced pumpkin lattes permeates every coffee shop like a warm hug from a struggling poet wearing an oversized cardigan. But, let's be real—you can’t just experience fall; you must embody it. This guide will help you become the pinnacle of autumnal coolness, known otherwise as an autumn hipster. So, put on your beanie (but not too far down), grab your mason jar of locally sourced kombucha, and let's get started.

Step 1: The Beanie—Wear It Like You Don’t Care (But You Totally Do)

No autumn hipster wardrobe is complete without the beanie—the hipster crown of thorns. This headwear is more than just a hat—it’s a statement of carefree cool. But beware: there is a delicate art to wearing a beanie that screams “I don’t care” while subtly letting the world know you’ve put a lot of thought into your look.

Placement Is Key

Too far down on your head? You look like you’re about to rob a convenience store.
Too far back? You risk resembling a rejected elf from the North Pole.
You want to aim for that magical middle ground—perched casually, just enough to cover your ears but leaving a significant amount of floppy fabric at the back. The beanie should look like it’s perpetually on the verge of falling off but somehow never does. It’s like a metaphor for your life: slightly disheveled, but intentionally so.

Material Matters

Make sure the beanie is made from 100% organic, fair-trade, ethically sourced wool (because you care about the environment, even though you just bought five gallons of iced coffee in single-use cups last summer).
Bonus points if it’s a neutral earth tone—gray, navy, or that specific shade of beige that says, “I spent three hours choosing this color to look like I didn’t spend three hours choosing this color.”

Step 2: Spiced Pumpkin—The Elixir of Fall

Fall is not truly fall until you’ve consumed your body weight in spiced pumpkin lattes. But don’t stop there—you are the embodiment of autumn, so everything you do, eat, drink, and breathe must be infused with the holy nectar of the season: pumpkin spice.

The Pumpkin Spice Latte

First of all, you’re not just going to order a regular pumpkin spice latte like some common pleb. No, no. You need to modify the hell out of it. Your go-to order should be something like this:
“I’ll have a half-sweet, oat milk, extra foam, cinnamon-dusted, pumpkin spice latte with just a whisper of nutmeg and a single shot of decaf espresso, please.”
Don’t forget to roll your eyes when the barista gets it slightly wrong, because, of course, they can’t understand your advanced palate for artisanal fall flavors.

Expand Your Pumpkin Spice Horizons

Why stop at lattes? There are so many avenues for you to explore your deep connection to all things pumpkin spice. You want to be the person who orders:
- Pumpkin spice bagels
- Pumpkin spice hummus (yes, it’s a thing, and yes, you will pretend to love it)
- Pumpkin spice candles (for when your apartment needs to smell like fall threw up in it)
- And don’t forget to Instagram your handmade pumpkin spice soap—your followers need to know that even your skin is ready for the season.

Step 3: Fall Wardrobe—Dress Like You Just Raided a Thrift Store (Even Though You Paid $200 for That Flannel)

Fall fashion is about layers, textures, and looking like you’ve wandered out of a cozy woodland cottage where you’ve been knitting by a fire all day, even though you’re just walking around a city with a population of 1.3 million.

The Flannel

A flannel shirt is your best friend. But not just any flannel. It has to be vintage (read: brand new, but made to look worn). Ideally, you’ll tell people it’s an original from your grandpa’s lumberjack days, but we all know you bought it online last week.
The key is to leave it slightly unbuttoned, revealing just a hint of an obscure band t-shirt underneath—something like “The Velvet Kitten Slippers” or “Sad Tugboat.” No one’s ever heard of them, and that’s the point. They released one album on cassette in 1997, and you have it.

Layering, But Make It Pretentious

Layering is essential, but you must act like you didn’t try too hard. You’re just naturally wearing three different scarves today, and they just happen to coordinate perfectly.
Jackets should look oversized, like you borrowed them from a guy who works in a coffee shop and brews his own IPA. Anything that gives off “I’m living out of a suitcase because I’m always chasing the next art installation” vibes is golden.
Don’t forget your hand-knit infinity scarf (which you definitely did not knit yourself, but you tell people you did during that artist residency you attended in Vermont). It should be so large that it could double as a hammock if the need arises.

Step 4: The Hipster Fall Diet—Everything Must Be Local and Organic

Fall is the perfect time to dive deep into your role as a culinary expert with a diet so exclusive it borders on impossible.

Farmers' Markets Are Your Playground

Make sure everything you buy is local—your apples, your kale, your heirloom squash that costs as much as an exotic reptile. You want to walk through the farmers’ market with a reusable tote bag that looks like it’s seen some miles (but in reality, you just bought it at Whole Foods yesterday).
When asked about your cooking habits, respond with: “I’m really focusing on seasonal ingredients this year. Like, using the whole vegetable—stems, roots, everything.” Pretend you don’t know what a microwave is.

Craft Beverages—The More Obscure, the Better

Sure, you like coffee. But have you tried cold-brewed, single-origin Guatemalan coffee aged in whiskey barrels and served in a glass that looks like it was hand-blown by an artisan in Seattle? No? You should.
And let’s not forget craft beer, which must be consumed in the most ironic way possible. You’ll drink it out of a mason jar obviously, while muttering something about how commercial breweries are killing the true spirit of craft.

Step 5: The Fall Aesthetic—Curate Your Persona for Maximum Social Media Impact

Nothing says “I’m a hipster, and I’m here for fall” like your Instagram feed in October. Every single shot must ooze with nostalgic coziness.

Photo Ops

Leaves. If you’re not posing in a pile of leaves with a faraway, existential look in your eyes, you’re doing fall wrong. Bonus points if you’re wearing fingerless gloves while holding a book no one’s heard of.
Pumpkin Patch Outings. Take a candid photo where it looks like you’re laughing naturally, but in reality, you’ve staged it 27 times. Make sure you’re standing next to the largest, most awkwardly shaped pumpkin and caption it something like, “Found my spirit vegetable.” #SquashGoals
Coffee Shop Snap. Make sure the barista’s chalkboard menu is in the background, and your beanie is just barely visible. Your caption? “Just here for the ethically sourced vibes.” #StayCaffeinated

You’re Ready to Autumn Hipster Like a Pro

There you have it—your guide to mastering fall with style, pretentiousness, and pumpkin spice. By the end of this season, you’ll be effortlessly cool (but, of course, you’ll pretend not to care), and your Instagram feed will look like it was curated by a woodland elf with impeccable taste.

Enjoy!